This week/months I have been feeling like a circus performer, especially the ones that have to juggle while balancing on something small. August 11,2016 is when we finally heard from the genetic testing and even though we did have a strong feeling that I also had Cowden Syndrome. Truly hearing the positive results for PTEN gene malformation/Cowden Syndrome was quite hard.
Dealing with doctors, changing health insurances, looking/scheduling doctors appointments and overall figure out this entire process was very overwhelming. Right now, while I finish writing this blog post, I was up at 6am to get ready for a long morning at the hospital. I was able to get into North Western Hospital to see a breast specialist and to get an ultrasound down on a lump I found. My mom and I didn’t get out of the hospital by 12pm, then we had to rush home to clean the house and order food for a meeting at 6pm. Then on top of this, I’m applying for a job, finishing up a graphic design job and along the way making mistakes.
Now, it’s 10pm and a freelance graphic design job has been fixed and sent to the printer for the client and now I’m ready for bed but it’s so hot in our house. I have to keep telling myself, that’s I’m only human and there will be times that I make mistakes but I can’t get myself down and I just need to keep moving forward. This is definitely one of the hardest things for me because my mind keeps wanting to think of the mistake/people that I anger. That’s why I wanted to finish writing this blog post because this is a huge part of my life/mind/body and soul. Instead of keeping those thoughts in my mind from the mistake I did over the weekend, I want to write about it because it happened and not I can move on and learn from that mistake. This is another reason on why I have been feeling like a circus performer because when they are performing they also make mistakes and they can get angry at themselves and never perform again or learn from what went wrong so it will not happen the next time. Tonight/this weekend was my first performance(mistake) and now I have/will be learning from that mistake.